Lesson · Point of view
Point of view and filtering
The reader lives inside your point-of-view character. Every “she saw” and “he felt” reminds them they are outside, watching someone else have the experience.
01
Let the reader see it directly
Once the reader knows whose eyes they are behind, everything on the page is already what that character perceives. Saying so again (she saw, he heard, she noticed, he felt) adds a step between the reader and the thing itself.
Remove the verb of perceiving and let the thing happen. The door opens. The floor is cold. The reader stands where the character stands.
The check flags these only when a chapter has three or more. One now and then is natural; a habit of them keeps the reader at arm’s length.
When to keep it
Keep a verb of perceiving when the act of perceiving matters: one character sees what others miss, a sense is straining (she could just hear it), or the realising itself is the event. Keep it, too, when it makes clear whose senses we are in after a change of point of view.
Ask yourself. Take the verb of perceiving out. Does the reader lose anything they need?
Before
She heard the gate creak. She saw a figure cross the yard.
After
The gate creaked. Someone was crossing the yard.
Before
Tomas felt the boat tilt under him and noticed the water was over the gunwale.
After
The boat tilted under him. Water was coming over the gunwale.
This one works
Everyone else was laughing. Only Ines saw the knife.
02
Show the feeling, not its name
A named emotion is a summary. The reader is told the character is afraid and files the fact away. A body that reacts, a thought that runs away, an action taken too fast lets the reader feel the fear alongside her.
Stock phrases are the same summary in costume: a wave of relief, a surge of anger. Readers have met them so often that they slide past.
When to keep it
Naming works when a scene needs to move quickly past a feeling that is not the point, when a narrator’s plain self-knowledge is part of their voice, or when the name is a start that the next sentence makes specific.
Ask yourself. Could a reader tell what the character feels if you removed the word that names it?
Before
Dana was nervous as she waited for the results.
After
Dana read the same line of the waiting-room poster eleven times.
Before
A wave of relief washed over him when the car pulled in.
After
When the car pulled in, he sat down on the step. He had not known his legs were shaking.
This one works
I was angry. Not the loud kind. The kind that makes lists.
03
How close the camera is
Narration can stand far off (“It was the winter of the long strike.”), come closer (“Marta hated winter.”) or sit inside the character’s thoughts (“Winter again. Wonderful.”). Each is a choice, and each changes how much the reader feels.
Filter verbs and named emotions pull the camera back a step. That is useful at the start of a scene or for a cool tone, and it costs intimacy in the moments that matter most. Move in close for the moments you want the reader to feel.
Ask yourself. In this scene’s most important moment, how close is the camera? Is that where you want it?
Before
Marta thought that it was cold, and she wished she had brought her gloves.
After
Cold. Of course she had left the gloves on the table.
04
One head at a time
In close third person or first person, the reader knows only what the point-of-view character knows. When the narration suddenly reports what someone else is thinking, the reader loses their footing: whose story is this?
To show another character’s feelings, use what your point-of-view character can perceive: their face, their silence, what they do. To change point of view, use a scene break.
Ask yourself. In this scene, whose head is the reader in? Does the narration ever know something that person could not?
Before
Lena handed over the letter, hoping he would not read it here. Paul took it and thought she looked tired.
After
Lena handed over the letter, hoping he would not read it here. Paul took it, and looked at her a moment too long.
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- Point of viewTense and personEvery story chooses when it is told and who tells it. Once the reader has settled into a tense and a voice, a change they were not meant to notice reads as a stumble.
- ProseClutterSome words go into a sentence while we are thinking and stay after we have finished. Taking them out rarely loses anything, and the sentence stands up straighter.
- ProseEchoes and repetitionReaders hear prose even when they read in silence. A word that comes back too soon, or sentences that all open the same way, catch the ear like a skipped note.
- ProseStock phrasingSome phrases have been written so many times that readers no longer see them: a heart that pounds, a silence that stretches. They tell the reader a feeling happened without letting them feel it.
- SceneBackstoryEverything that happened before page one is backstory. Readers want some of it, at the moment they want it, in the amount the scene can carry.